There's so much on American Idol to joke about week after week -- but even they can't top this week's weirdest event on competition shows.  As I type this, Def Leopard are rocking out on the Dancing With the Stars results show.  The lead singer's wearing sunglasses.  Perhaps he hopes nobody will recognize him.  The drummer has a vacantly desperate look on his face like he's thinking, "We should never have believed the people who promised this would guarantee us a spot in the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame."

Ok, why do I mock these competition shows so much when I unabashedly admit to watching them week after week?  Because I can . . . and because it's fun.

Tonight, let's start with the host -- Ryan Seacrest.  His best performance so far this season.  With two songs per five remaining contestants, there was little time for him to do more than intro the singer, give out the numbers and remind people to vote.  Thank goodness.  No time for him to attempt to match wits with Simon.  Apparently, no time for him to check his look in the mirror before taking the stage either.  The hairdresser sent him out with an Ed Grimley 'do.

Did you see the woman holding the bright pink poster that proclaimed, "My husband has a man crush on Ryan Seacrest"?  Don't blame the hubby if she returns home to find a bright blue divorce decree.  She should have had the decency to wear a disguise.  Her poor husband will never live down that sign.

Ken Levine blogged earlier this week about the California sorority babes in the Idol mosh pit.  I can't possibly match his level of funny-ness, so I won't try.  However, I did notice this week that for all their enthusiasm, they suck at timing.  During one of Jason's performances, the mosh girls waved at least two beats behind the song.

On Neil Diamond night, only David Cook truly shone with two great performances.  I think he's the one contestant who consistently connects with the audience; demonstrates charisma; and tries to make each song unique for him.

David A. -- Great voice, but he performs like a 60 year old in a 17 year old's body.  Paula's big on urging the Idols to "sing outside the box".  I'd be happy if David A. moved more than a foot in any direction.

Jason.  Oh, Jason.  The dumb act isn't cute -- unless you're Kellie Pickler and even she stretched it.  You show all the energy of an overweight, octagenarian with two shot knees and a faulty pacemaker.  I honestly think you're the one who should go home, but you might still have a big enough fan base to keep you here yet another week.

Not that we need further proof that Paula's lost it, but how sadly hilarious was it that she critiqued Jason on both his performances when he'd only sung once?

 I'm a Believer  has now been sung better by four Monkees and a donkey (Think Shrek) than by a babbling Brooke.  Simon was right about your first performance. He was also right that you did a much better job on the second song.  That could be enough to save you for another week.

Syesha, you're finally waking up as a performer and you're fun to watch.  Unfortunately, I think Brooke and Jason have bigger fan bases.  Then again, I thought Carly did to, and she's now sitting in the audience.

At least she'll be in time on the wave.